Artist description I love humans!

Musical Influences aristotle - earth round eclipse, north star, earth center of universe ptolemy - 8 spheres of universe ,fixed stars copernicus - earth, planets orbit sun galileo - jupiter has moons. kepler - elliptical orbits newton - gravity, force, orbit around sun edward hubble - universe is expanding, big bang

Artist History Montgomery Cleft was the lead singer of Love the Children's Menus. After their lead guitarist, Lemmie Glaüchenspëil, passed away in a freak accident (sat on by Peg and Awl, the siamese twins), Cleft abandoned the music industry and vanished into obscurit y. It was the legendary Blind Rabbi Sharpstein who rekindled Cleft's interest in music. Now armed with an acoustic guitar, Cleft plays lugubrious, self-pitying, anachronistic songs that are, as one critic noted, "totally forgettable.""

Group Members Eva, my current guitar, is very possessive and I am jealous of her. We have not made love since August, and we only did it then because we're both alcoholics. On one occasion, Eva tied me to a chair and beat me with a rake. Another unfortunate time, I bruised my guitar's breasts. It is not funny. I do not love her anymore, and I have cheated on her with other guitars, one of whom is blackmailing me, and I am seriously thinking of having her "taken care of," if you know what I mean. Does anyone know of one who can perform that task, e-mail me. How much would it cost? Also, I tried to suggest to her that I might be interested in having two guitars at once. Needless to say, she wept for weeks, and gouged out my left eye. Now I am no longer attractive enough for her. Was I ever? I can't believe that anyone would love me. And so what if I fantasize about ukeleles, harmoniums and death? Why won't anyone help me, I'm so unhappy. I need to lower my expectations. If one clicks on the word "Images" above, he will be taken to a place where my sorrow is "pilloried," as old Cock used to say.

Instruments MIDI; cornet; larynx of brain; chop-suey; Jumbo-Strumbo; wango tango; giddy children

Press Reviews Mr. Cleft's subtle-yet-unlistenable garbage has been taking simple women all over the nation by brute force, prompting only one renowned, yet unloved, music critic to exclaim (arms flailing wildly), "I give that a seven and a half!"

Additional Info Montgomery Cleft also appeared on "38 Years of 'Sugar Shack' - Various Interpretations"

Location New York, NY - USA

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