Artist description Over the past fifty years or so, it is no exaggeration to say that Rock and Roll has changed greatly. There have been a great number of groups spanning a great number of styles, dipping into what seems like almost every other popular (and sometimes not-so-popular) genre of music out there. Blues, folk, jazz, swing, even numerous ethnic styles of music from around the world. Throughout the years, it is safe to say that diversity is something Rock and Roll has done well with. However, there has always been something all Rock and Roll musicians have had in common. From Elvis Presley to The Beatles to Led Zeppelin to Black Sabbath to Nirvana, there has always been a common link, a single tie keeping them all together. Something they were all a part of. Noise. Making a ruckus, creating a disturbance, shaking things up a bit. Gal dang it, *rocking the fuck out.* This, more often than anything else, has been the single trait that makes a Rock and Roll band successful; that makes them *sound good.* *Nobody* wants to listen to a whiny handful of radio-headed cocksuckers commenting on politics and whatever. Gosh darn it, people want to hear someone get up on stage and exercise the demons. They want to hear someone fucking *thrash.* Bearing this in mind, allow us to introduce you to the next phase of Rock and Roll. It's so old that it's been here since the last two, yet it's so new you've yet to hear a single word about it. Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly give you the fruits of the labor that has been the past fifty years of popular music: C.R.U.S.T. We're not hardcore. We're not softcore, either. We aren't rock-rap, emo, metal, or even punk rock. We don't do stoner music, and we don't do straightedge. We are the alpha and the omega, the darkness and the light. We are kicking ass and taking names, and then we're shoving them down your throat. We are the embodiment of what all those catchy slogans like "revolution" and "avant-garde" were *supposed* to mean. We're taking back Rock and Roll and we're killing the eardrums of those who fucked it up so they no longer pose a threat to the cause. You've never seen anything like us before, but we've been on your mind for years. We're Crust, and we're waiting to be let into your backyard so we can play with your dog.

Music Style Tearing a donkey's arm off.

Musical Influences Your mom, Nameless Numberhead Band, Satan, Anal Cunt, Ganesh, your mom, John Zorn, 7-11, Leftover Crack, Joe Frank, Kompressor, Mike Patton, Eminem, The Cure, your mom, Crust, Choking Victim, Big Dumb Face, Blink 182, AtomSmasher, Aqua, Fiona Apple

Similar Artists Eminem, Yanni, Crust, Ani DiFranco, Metallica, your mom, Slayer, Modest Mouse

Artist History Hello, wonderful reader. Allow me to take you back to the greatest days of Crust. Happy days, idyllic days. Days when we had Larry, the greatest bassist ever. Larry. Larry the newt. Larry was born with talent. We all knew that the second we were introduce d to the eager young soul by our chummy associate, Beardo. Sure, he needed some training to get into the tedius, if not at times chaotic agenda of Crust. But he learned quickly, always full of gusto for life. Yes, we could tell from the very beginning tha t Larry was our greatest asset, Crust's ticket to super-stardom. I still remember well our first gig with Larry. We were all pretty nervous. I mean, it was our first performance before a big crowd, and there we were with a bass sitting up on stage, its ne ar godlike owner almost invisible to the crowd. It was so controvercial. Would die-hard Crust fans be forever torn from their beloved idols? Would they wonder if we were just selling out to conformity with a newt bassist? Probably, but we wouldn't care 'c ause their opinions would be all messed up if they thought that way. The outcome was beyond our wildest dreams! Larry was an instant star, and so, Crust was a sensation. The concert ended with hearty pats on the back, elated calls of happiness, and ch eers for Larry. A crowd had gathered outside around our van. They chanted for Larry, for autographs, for a piece of Crust history. We had to stay inside the sanctuary of the concert hall for a long time that night. We were anxious as hell, but Larry glow e d the whole time. The next week, we returned to the record exec with whom we'd discussed a deal. Before, he had said "No, ya bums. Do you take consumers for idiots?" But now we had Larry, pride for our band, and a whole load more recorded stuff. Upon h e ar ing our brilliant bassist, we got our deal! We really did! Our very own deal! (Well, okay. I'm embellishing a bit.) After about a month, the pressures of stardom began to weight heavy on Larry's soul. He couldn't go outside without constant harrassm e nt by int erminable hordes of groupies.So finally he locked himself in his dressing room for hours and days at a time. We scarcely saw him but during performances, and then he played sloppily and without the youthful gusto we had once known. We once ent er ed hi s roo m and heard the heavy breathing of an exhausted and jaded newt. Empty bottles of scotch lay around, everything was in disarray. Larry had resorted to daily binges of alcohol and self-mutilation. We couldn't get near enough to talk to him. A fte r week s more of seclusion, we discovered a horrible secret in the used syringes littering his room. He was a changed newt. A lost newt. Since then we have gained several new members and forgotten about him completely.

Group Members Mr. Voice, Mr. Face, Mr. E, Mr. Pie, Chabo Willis, eight liquified eel enemas.

Instruments Recommended but not required.

Albums Tourette's Syndrome, Monkey Nigga: Now With More in Your Mom's Anus, THE ILL FRESH POP CULTURE ALBU

Press Reviews Yes.

Additional Info Some day.

Location San Francisco, CA - USA

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