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| - the Ruthless Cosmopolitans - | mp3.com/ruthless |
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"Help old Johnny out and put some little piggies in me piggy bank!" JAZZ FOR IMBECILES! All you foolish kids out there - American and European, are all a bunch of tastless, uncultured, conformist, mindless, unhealthy, spiritually atrophied dupes, and the Ruthless Cosmopolitans are here for you! Jazz (along with rap) may be america's only original art form, but you kids are too damned whack to appreciate it, so we rock the shit out of it, cranked it up and played it fast, so that maybe it can penetrate into your deaf, attention deficient skulls. . the Ruthless Cosmopolitans is what happens when 4 north americans who's main childhood influences are fructoce-glucose and glucose-fructose are placed in a university and made to learn jazz from fakebooks and forced to drop out by faculty - it's a sad, loud, grave mess, just like all you stupid kids out there. For those of you Beavises out there who have yet to experience a Ruthless Cosmopolitans live theatrical fiasco, Johnny Haggis is the lead vocalist of the legendary homeless, Scottish-Jewish communist punk band BLACK HAGGIS, which kicked off the entire punk movement with their classic 1975 'PISS ON THE POPE' LP. The Black Haggis website can not be put up at this time, as Johnny has been missing since he battled the toothles bluesman and former heavyweight boxing champion of the world - Maul Calloway at the Ruthless Big Band Disaster Trainwreck show in May of 1999, but as soon as we find him we'll get working on it. As for this website, since you're all so putrid, we just put our old crappy demo tapes of our worst material here, since you certainly aren't worth the real shit - or any shit for that matter, fecal or otherwise. If you want to know what we really sound like, then good fucking luck finding it. A Ruthless Cosmopolitan performance is a frightening ritual to behold indeed. Here are some of the people that are more than likely to kick your idiot asses and wipe the floor with your smug, bourgeois, clueless, product worshipping, vermin punim if you're foolish enough to show up at one of our gigs. RUTHLESS COSMOPOLITANS Treble Clarinino - Jimmy Strombolini Bassous - Jimmy McTubs Tubs - Miles Davis III Electric Pickmaphone - Tinky Winky BLACK HAGGIS Johnny Haggis - Vocals, guitar, vomit Lionel Tacklebadge - Guitar, vocals, hoark Sandra Bullocks - 'rectric Bass, sods Chaim Vicious Jr. - Tubs, bloody sods
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