"Now The Pain"  Parental Advisory genre: Poetry
	lo fi play (dial-up) hi fi play (broadband) download (2.9 MB)	email track to a friend	add to My.MP3
	Might be my most personal offering...
	CD: Suburban Casualty (coming soon)
	Story Behind the Song It's just kind of a collection of my thoughts and feelings...guilt and self-punishment, feelings of inadequacy conflicting with feelings of "I know this is the way..." The whole belt my back thing...something I used to do, a ritual almost...cleansing, release...sigh... Lyrics Jump in it be the same be the same kill my eyes feel the shame feel the shame burn my soul see the flame see the flame belt my back now the pain now the pain who I am not who I wanna be what you want not who Im gonna be punishment such a familiar dance I cant lose if I never take a chance but Im such a fucking hypocrite I admit it every day I dont think anybody listens, though I dont think anybody cares Like me, they are all too selfish To see fault in anyone save themselves To see good in anyone save themselves To even try to save themselves From a hell a hell a HELL of living each and every day in mediocrity while dreams die and dreams DIE and faded pastel souls drift up on city breezes to look down without sad eyes and scream without desperate mouths LOOK UP AT ME! LOOK UP AND GRAB HOLD! YOU STUPID BLIND FUCK! And so the dreams die Ah, sweet melodramatic me The selfish hypocrite bookstore loiterer masturbating in wishful solitude while friends wait outside for the false store front that is my smiling jesting face A SHROUD! I NEED A SHROUD! To cover my sleeping corpse until I wake and rise and walk I am The Christ of my own life my library card is signed by Jesus and I even walk on water when it freezes Im smiling and jesting and losing my religion Thats me in the corner, dontcha know? I am there, with everyone wearing the party favor hats the little pink girl passed around and my name tag (thats not my name) doesnt matter were the same, were the same were the same goddamn person with a different face and the same dead dream to be great and admired and alone at the top looking down with benevolent wisdom which seems so kind to us and so arrogant to those below, those poor poor souls below but it is US FUCK! pathetic damn dream, deserves to die, I say I...have a dream! A dream where I am myself, and not you or yours A dream where I am strong in myself, and in you and yours Respect for myself found in you and yours in me and all of us can look each other in the eye look each other in the eye and not see our own reflection but see another person looking back and hearing words and laughter without taking credit and caring about these things without giving thought to what we might be gaining at this very moment I am not like that I am not that man, that person I want to be Jump in it be the same be the same kill my eyes feel the shame feel the shame burn my soul see the flame see the flame belt my back now the pain now the pain punishment belt my back punishment belt my back punishment belt my back now the pain now the pain now the pain now the pain

Copyright notice. All material on MP3.com is protected by copyright law and by international treaties. You may download this material and make reasonable number of copies of this material only for your own personal use. You may not otherwise reproduce, distribute, publicly perform, publicly display, or create derivative works of this material, unless authorized by the appropriate copyright owner(s).