Story Behind the Song
The motivation for this song was simple. I was punched in the face by an oversized female, and I had no recourse but to document the fiasco in song form. The entire thing was recorded in my parent's basement.
Lyrics
Well, I was at a party, just the other night,
by the way, where were you?
[Where were you?]
You should've been there you missed some funny shite,
at the party, I got into a fight...
...with a girl. That's right-- a girl.
Got in a fight with a girl.
I told her friend that her boobs were falling out of her shirt--
because they were.
[Because they were]
Well actually, I used the word 'breasts,'
but that didn't seem to matter to her.
[It didn't matter to her]
She did not like the accusations that were pending on her breasts,
you probably guessed.
[my dumbass should've known]
She told her much larger friend what I said about her chest,
and you know the rest.
I got beat up...by a girl.
I got beat up by a girl.
She didn't have much trouble finding my cheekbone with her fist.
I suppose that's what happens when you get a volleyball superstar pissed.
I guess, in retrospect, after punch number one I should not have laughed,
'Cause punches two and three came not only accurately but very fast.
I was drinkin' beer and dancin' in my personal space,
when she got up in my face.
[I was drinkin' Pabst]
She kept tellin' me she plays volleyball,
I told her that I didn't care at all.
I said...
I don't care if you play volleyball.
I don't care if you play volleyball.
I don't care if you play volleyball.
I don't care if you play volleyball, you bitch...
...And then she punched me in the face.
Right in the face.
And I'm not talkin' about bitch slappin'.
I'm talkin'...'closed fist.'
God, please are you listening?
I have a prayer I'd like to sing.
I know you answer many prayers from very many men,
And I know I said I'd never pray for boobies again,
But, can you make me a girl for just one day?
I know I asked the same thing the last time I prayed,
But I was only eight when I made that request,
And only 'cause I'd never seen a woman's naked breast,
But, that was for a much different reason.
I wanted boobies then so I could squeeze 'em.
And look at them in the mirror,
All through the day.
And it's boobies again
that brings me to you today.
Yesterday I got the shit kicked out of me
by a seven-foot-tall Amazon-lady.
I'm certainly a sinner, God, in this cruel world,
but as a guy you know, I'd never hit a girl.
God you're above me, and you're above her,
If you make me a girl, I'll kick the shit out of her!
I woke up the next morning and to my surprise,
I couldn't believe my eyes.
[Do tell.]
My prayers had been answered just over night.
In the mirror I was quite a sight.
[Beautiful]
God had kept his promise and so I kept mine,
I couldn't stare at me although I looked fine.
[Still beautiful]
I had a fight to pick, and my dignity to save...
But not until my legs were shaved...
...I was a girl.
A freakin' girl.
A freakin' girl complete with boobies...
and a 'hoo-hoo.'
And so I went to her house and I called her every name in the book,
that I knew.
[Expletives deleted]
Well, actually, I was kind of nervous so I guess that
I might have forgotten a few.
[I'm not very smart]
And then I saw that glimmer in her eye, that I saw before,
on the dance floor.
[She's gonna kick my ass]
She started swingin' and all I could do was think, "oh shit..."
..."Deja vu"
She beat me up again.
That stupid bitch.
That bitch beat me again.
Can you believe it?
I don't care if you play volleyball.
You're just an Amazon-woman.
You think I care? That you play volleyball?
I'm never coming to any of your games...again.
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