Story Behind the Song
This is one of a handful of songs that developed over many years. I came up with the chorus lyrics in '89. The verses came rushing to me (in the shower) in the spring of '95. A version was recorded at that time with John Lilley on keys and sequenced drums at Houghton College. A bridge came to me around May '96, which I would later edit with Duane's help.
This is another tune that Duane went to work on in my absence, so all I had to do was collaborate at a distance and come in and lay down the vocals. The vocals were actually enough of a job in this tune. It turned out slightly differently than I had envisioned, but it is well-produced and a favorite of many.
Lyrics
There are times you give me every indication
that you are happy just to walk on
by my side. Then those times when I would
give my invitation, and without a word
you steal away all of my pride and joy.
Chorus:
(That's why) I'm afraid to hope to be with you, but I'm more afraid to be without you,
And I'm most afraid of not hoping at all.
-Repeat...Not hoping at all
Well I might understand if I'd known you
for just a short while, why you would
act so nonchalant, yeah so carefree.
But I have been with you, my girl
for such a long time now, that I'd sure appreciate if you'd explain to me...
(Why I'm so afraid...)
Chorus
Bridge:
How can I compete with your desires?
Am I just another man for hire?
When you're in the mood for my company,
Or when your confidence has had a beating.
That's not my game, but it's yours
And I've played. It shouldn't
come as a surprise to you...
That now whenever I am contemplating calling
I get this strange, uneasy feeling
in the pit of my heart.
Because to hear you say,
"Maybe I will, and maybe I won't,"
Makes me want to go before I stop to think
and stop before I start.
Chorus (repeat)
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