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Lyrics
Once upon a time before dinosaurs comes this true story
From the part of the planet that’s now known as Norway
A peace-loving giant well known in the region
They called him Lord Nordak, the 12-foot Norwegian
Now Lord Nordak had been a warlord back before
But a war had made Nordak abhor so no more
His strength was victorious in saving the land
And a prayer he be king in the heart of each man
Now Nordak knew that he had been in their plans,
But he leading people he could not understand
So when came the hour, he turned down the power
Marched out to the mountains to lounge and grow flowers
Each morning Lord Nordak would rise and go foraging
Out in the forest, the place of his origin
A million millennia before dinosaurs
It looked sort of like Oregon, but more enormous and
This is where he grew all the food he could
And smoked magical bushes from hollowed redwoods
He bathed in the lakes and slept under the stars
He kept dragons as pets and skipped rocks out to Mars
Lord Nordak lived his life in nothing but peace
But life down in the valley was different indeed
The once unified people had begun bickering
The flame on the candle of peace had been flickering
And again they all split off into seperate factions
And used their differences to send soldiers to action
So war ruled the land down below once again
And death befell beasts, children, women, and men
And the Elders from when the people had been one
Declared that something urgent had to be done
“We will send for Lord Nordak! He brought peace before!
And with his help, we elders shall win the war!”
So they gathered their sons and their daughters and armed them
And sent them to find Nordak, off they all sought him
They climbed up the mountain and swum across lakes
And slaughtered his 8-legged oxen for steaks
It took them 10 days for they took some wrong turns
But they found Nordak sleeping in fields full of ferns
The Offspring of Elders awoke him and spoke then
They told him of how the Great Peace had been broken
And implored that he join them to restore the order
For they’d be victorious, Nordak did snort at this
And he plucked a bush from the hill and his pipe he did smoke
Extinguished it quickly, exhaled, and then he spoke
“If you keep fighting, then no one will win.
If I help you succeed, it will just start again
For the victors taste greed, and then fight to get more.
So Lord Nordak wants nothing to do with your war!”
But the Offspring of Elders, shocked by what they’d heard,
Grew angry at Lord Nordak’s soft-spoken words
So they all drew their swords, held them high in the sky,
And cried, “Nordak, you will join us or you will die!”
Now Nordak is often the gentlest beast
But these words did displease to say the very least
He rose to his feet which sent fear through the packs
And held high above his immense battle ax
“Lord Nordak will NOT go! So it is declared!”
And the Offspring of Elders went running off scared
But they didn’t run far, just off out of sight
And waited for Nordak to bed for the night
Then they crept out without making a noise and
They dusted a bush of his with magic poison
Then off they did dash and wait till next morning
And rise they did when they heard Nordak stop snoring
And watched as he had his first smoke of the day
At the bush with the poison Nordak puffed away
Immediately he fell under its spell
His muscles all froze, and then Lord Nordak fell
The Offspring of Elders appeared all a-cackles
And tied up the comatose Nordak in shackles
And caged him, they’d planned to enslave him and take him
Out to the front lines, where war was raging
The Elders were pleased as they stroked their long beards
And said, “Nordak’s on our side! All shall live in fear!”
All grinning smugly, they sat in their castle
While thousands and thousands died down in the battle
And all of the leaders of the other tribes
Were all in their castles, watching from inside
And sipped wine from the hollowed-out skulls of their soldiers
Greed grew much stronger, blood grew much colder
While far out beyond their moats, out in the battlefield
The bodies of men and the shrapnel of shattered steel
Littered the land and the blood soaked the ground
Arrows went whizzing past, soldiers went down
Rats ate from bodies that lay filled with holes
Men were beheaded, impaled upon poles
One thing the Elders agreed was this war
Was far more horrible then the one long before
But they knew they would win it on this very night
As they signaled to send Nordak out to the fight
The soldiers rolled out the cage in which they kept him
And laughed as they planned to deploy this new weapon
They sprinkled some anti-magic dust inside
Then unlocked his chains and all stepped aside
And Nordak awoke and he stood and he stretched
A bit dizzy, he still felt the poison’s effects
All of the soldiers froze still in their places
As fear and befuddlement shone on their faces
They stared up at Nordak afraid and confused
They saw as he came to he wasn’t amused
Nevertheless, they attacked all a-hollering
Nordak unfazed, he just frowned down at all of them
And felt as their arrows broke off at his knees
And just left, Lord Nordak stormed back to the trees
The soldiers kept fighting, thought Nordak was hiding
In fact what he was doing was just deciding
To finally put an end to all this warring
He crept to the outskirts as it began pouring
And found out each castle where each leader slept
And into each palace he quietly crept
He captured each leader before they could run
And plucked off their heads, every last one!
The Elders, The Offspring of Elders, were gone
Then Nordak rushed out as the war carried on
He ran from each village and into each home
And gathered the families, the sick, the alone,
The kids and the elderly and all their animals
Rushed them all past the soldiers in their battle skulls
Up to the mountain, his peaceful oasis
He wept as he saw the joy wash on their faces
He offered them blankets and bread, soup and wine
Mixed medicines to help the injured feel fine
And they watched down below the last hours of killing
Just a war with no leaders or purpose, so silly!
All went to sleep and arose in the dawn
And the smoke below showed that all once their was gone
They bowed and then vowed to never be so reckless
Then Nordak awoke and said, “Let’s make big breakfast!”
They cooked and they ate and they drank and they sung
All smoked from the bushes when they were all done
And they all lived in peace for the rest of their days
Living their lives in the finest of ways
In the Earth’s core, Nordak buried his hatchet, see
Which is why to this day that the Earth still has gravity
Then came the comets and then dinosaurs and then
More comets and then us and then more wars. The End.
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