Story Behind the Song
This song was written in 2003. It was inspired by the newsgroup alt.suicide.holiday.
Lyrics
Gonna get a gun and kill myself 'cause I'm sick to the bone
If you feel the same way, let me tell you that you're not alone
I had a bunch of friends that died
But instead of mouring the loss I'd rather join 'em on the bus ride
I thought I found a drug that kills
Somebody on a web-site sellin' cyanide pills
But it was fake, and I'm still awake
I don't believe this, another mistake!
I'm sick of all the same old crap from the shrink
These right-to-lifers, they don't understand the way that we think
They say that we're ill, that we should take a pill
They wanna send us up the hill for a six-week chill
But I got my computer screen to tell me how life ends
The methods file, created by my friends
In the net newsgroup alt.suicide.holiday
Get out my way, I got something to say:
I'm an asher! I'm an asher!
Tryin' a catch that bus, there's a mob of us
I'm an asher! I'm an asher!
When the right way's found, we'll be underground!
I'm an asher! I'm an asher!
Me 'n them, you and I, got the right to die
I'm an asher! Read the FAQ
I gotta do what I gotta do.
I've attempted every death method under the sun
Except a gun – I'll give you money if you tell me how to get one
I o.d'd on paracetamol
Gimme a box of Amanita Phalloides and I'll eat 'em all
I tried hangin' but my neck's too strong
I tried it again, but I musta tied the noose wrong
I cut my wrist with a chainsaw
But that didn't do nothin' so I climbed to the tenth floor
Thinkin' nothin's gonna stop me
I took a dive out the window but I landed on a soft tree
There must be a million ways to die
But I fail at everything I try.
I can't talk to my family and friends, they don't understand the attitude
They been conditioned to deliver empty platitudes
They want me to be a sheep
The only one to tell me how to sleep six feet deep, is an asher.
'Cause I'm an asher
Tryin' a catch that bus, there's a mob of us
I'm an asher! I'm an asher!
When the right way's found, we'll be underground!
I'm an asher! I'm an asher!
Me 'n them, you and I, got the right to die
I'm an asher! Read the FAQ
I gotta do what I gotta do what I gotta do.
I'm an asher!
It's the final solution – it shouldn't be a crime
Kevorkian's a hero but he's doin' hard time
You know who should be in jail?
Everyone who intervenes to make a suicide fail.
I'm old enough to make choice for myself
There should be a legal suicide pill on the shelf
Of the supermarket – well that would be a nice dream
But I got another hair-brained scheme.
I'm gonna cut my wrist in the bath with my head tied to a rock
So then I'll drown and I'll bleed and I'll get a shock
From the electric wires taped to my left hand
You see I got it all planned
I'll even have a suicide drink like a nicotine cocktail
It's gotta work this time, it better not fail
I'm not afraid, 'cause my time is up
It ain't over till the heartbeat stop
'Cause I'm an asher – I'm an asher –
When the right way's found, we'll be underground
I'm an asher – I'm an asher –
Tryin' a catch that bus, there's a mob of us
I'm an asher! I'm an asher!
Me 'n them, you and I, got the right to die
I'm an asher! Read the FAQ
I gotta do it and I'll tell you what I'm going to do: commit suicide.
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