"My Honey Was Sweeter as a Heffer" genre: Alternative Country
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	Song #2 of a trilogy known to friends as JON McBRIDE'S BAD COUNTRY. More satirical country, all done in good fun.
	Credits: Written and performed by Jon McBride
	Story Behind the Song Just had too much free time on my hands and this was the result. :-) Lyrics MY DARLIN' DUMPLIN' STARTED ON A DIET IT TOOK TO HER LIKE NOTHIN TOOK BEFORE SHE STARTED LOSIN' ACCESS BAGGAGE LIKE AN EASTERN FLIGHT AND NOW SHE FITS INTO A PERRECT FOUR I WAS NOTICIN' SOME CHANGES RIGHT THERE FROM THE START SHE WAS GETTIN' CRANKY NOW AND THEN AT FIRST I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS JUST ANOTHER OF THOSE WOMEN THINGS BUT IT WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE END MY HONEY, MY HONEY, MY HONEY WAS AS PLEASANT AS THEY COME MY HONEY, MY HONEY MY HONEY THOUGHT THAT I WAS NUMBER ONE MY HONEY WAS SWEETER AS A HEFFER MY HONEY WAS SWEETER OVERWEIGHT MY HONEY WAS SWEETER AS A HEFFER BUT NOW MY SWEET OLD SOW HAS GONE AWAY I REMEMBER THAT DAMNED DAY WHEN IT ALL STARTED SHE SAW THAT ADVERTISTMENT ON TV IT CAME ON JUST AS WE TUNED INTO HEE HAW AND BOASTED OF A MONEY BACK GUARANTEE IT PROMISED ALL THOSE EXTRA POUNDS WOULD SIMPLY MELT AWAY LOSE INCHES OFF YOUR STOMACH, WAIST AND THIGHS AND IF YOU ORDERED NOW YOU'D GET A SPECIAL BONUS GIFT A BRAND NEW STAINESS STEEL GINSU KNIFE AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA AFTER ALL IT DARNED WELL COULDN'T HURT HER BACK END WAS A LOOKIN' LIKE A GREYHOUND BUS FROM CLEVELAND ALL LOADED DOWN AND DRAGGIN'IN THE DIRT THE PARCEL WAS DELIVERED SIX WEEKS LATER JUST AFTER LUNCH AND I PAID C.O.D. SHE TORE INTO IT LIKE IT WAS A BOX OF PRALINE CANDY AND THUS BEGAN MY LIFE OF MISERY MY HONEY, MY HONEY MY HONEY NEVER USED TO BE SO BOLD MY HONEY, MY HONEY MY HONEY ALWAYS DID WHAT SHE WAS TOLD MY HONEY WAS SWEETER AS A HEFFER MY HONEY WAS SWEETER OVERWEIGHT MY HONEY WAS SWEETER AS A HEFFER BUT NOW MY SWEET OLD SOW HAS GONE AWAY FROM THE DAY ON MY LIFE'S BEEN QUICKLY CHANGIN' CAUSE SHE'S NOT MEEK AND MILD AS BEFORE NOW SHE SCREAMS AT ME TO HELP HER DO THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE LAST WEEK SHE MADE ME SCRUB THE KITCHEN FLOOR SHE USED TO MAKE A REALLY KILLER COBBLER AND BAKE ME PANS OF BROWNIES BY THE SCORE HER CHEESECAKE WAS THE ENVY OF THE COUNTY BUT THINGS LIKE THAT ARE GONE AND NEVERMORE BEFORE SHE LOST THAT WEIGHT SHE NEVER ARGUED, FOUGHT OR CUSSED SHE USED TO BE THE PERFECT LITTLE WIFE SHE CLEANED AND COOKED AND DARNED MY SOCKS BUT NOW SHE'S TURNED INTO A FOX I WANT MY SWEET OLD SOW BACK IN MY LIFE LATELY I'VE BEEN GETTIN' REALLY NERVOUS SHE'S WINKIN' BACK AT GUYS AROUND THE TOWN AND STARTED MAKIN' COMMENTS DURING SUPPER THAT IT'S MY TURN TO START TO LOSE SOME POUNDS MY HONEY, MY HONEY MY HONEY USED TO THINK THAT I WAS BOSS MY HONEY, MY HONEY MY HONEY'S NOW CANTANKEROUS AND CROSS MY HONEY WAS SWEETER AS A HEFFER MY HONEY WAS SWEETER OVERWEIGHT MY HONEY WAS SWEETER AS A HEFFER BUT NOW THAT SWEET OLD SOW HAS GONE AWAY

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