"Contractor Definitions" genre: General Comedy
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	Some funny definitions of terms used in building contracting.
	Credits: H. Kent Craig
	Lyrics Contractor Definitions Contractor ~ A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut, or deal. Bid Opening ~ A poker game in which the losing hand wins. Bid ~ A wild guess carried out to two decimal places. Low Bidder ~ A contractor who is wondering what he left out. Engineer's Estimate ~ The cost of construction in heaven. Project Manager ~The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union. Critical Path Method ~ A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control. OSHA ~ A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, split hairs, red tape, and baloney - usually applied at random with a shotgun. Strike ~ An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken. Delayed Payment ~ A tourniquet applied at the pocketbook. Completion Date ~ The point at which liquidate damages begin. Liquidated Damages ~ A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible. Auditor ~ Someone who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded. Lawyer ~ A person who goes in after the auditor and strips the bodies.

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