"Ape, Golfer, Or Chimpanzee? A Test" genre: General Comedy
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	Are you a golfer or are married to one? Or do you think golfing and/or golfers are a little silly at times? Then you'll find this funny.
	Lyrics Ape, Golfer, or Chimpanzee? A Test. by H. Kent Craig The following is a test to see if you can tell the physiological, psychological, and cultural differences between a Great (A)pe, a (G)olfer, or a (C)himpanzee?, good luck! 1) Bright red asscheeks are clearly visible when bent over to pick up tees or golf balls. (A)pe, (G)olfer, or (C)himpanzee? 2) While communication is normally accomplished through incomprehensible guttural vocalizations after most shots, can be taught a full vocabulary of American Sign Language (ASL), but usually just uses the gesticulation that involves an uprighted middle digit for most attempts to communicate with humans who make comments about said shots or to the slow group ahead that won't let them play through. (A)pe, (G)olfer, or (C)himpanzee? 3) Can also be taught to drive a golf cart, but always steers with one hand to have the other hand free to frequently make the above gesture. (A)pe, (G)olfer, or (C)himpanzee? 4) Hair on back is normally 1/2" to 1" thick, but palms are worn smooth from excessive highball glass lifting and paying off of lost bets and greasing of palms to get a better tee time.(A)pe, (G)olfer, or (C)himpanzee? 5) Can throw a 1-iron farther than he can hit a golf ball with it. (A)pe, (G)olfer, or (C)himpanzee? 6) Can throw a caddie farther than he can hit a golf ball with a 1-iron. (A)pe, (G)olfer, or (C)himpanzee? 7) When in a foursome of other males of the same species on the golf course, routinely makes loud whooping, hollering and other animal noises, along with hand gestures of obscene natures, to attractive female pairings of the same species when they come into scent purview range. (A)pe, (G)olfer, or (C)himpanzee? 8) When depressed after shooting a 98, goes off into woods by self, ingests mood-altering substances, and kills small defenseless creatures to take out his frustration. (A)pe, (G)olfer, or (C)himpanzee? 9) Typical mating rituals to pair up with golf-tolerant females of same species involves giving gifts of forest flora, sharing of food, mutual grooming, uttering of soft vocalizations, and attempted demonstrations of prowess over other males by attempting to hit 330-yard drives. (A)pe, (G)olfer, or (C)himpanzee? 10) Can be taught to sit at a table in the clubhouse dining room and use silverware, but can not be taught NOT to belch, break wind, or scratch his privates in the presence of others there. (A)pe, (G)olfer, or (C)himpanzee? Scoring yourself: add up all the letter answers you gave into letter groupings; if you have five or more matches between them and similar letters in the serial number of a $1 bill in your wallet, you've just wasted five minutes of your life that you'll never get back.

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