Lyrics
HONEY HAM
Eight times a month, two days a week
To the store I go for some deli meat
Corn-roast beef and turkey salami
A nice fat slice of spicy pastrami
And when the questions asked from the deli man
My reply is always- Honey Ham.
Thirteen slices nice and thin
And if he fucks it up he can start from the beginnin’
While he’s trimmin’ all the fat
I get a little bit of this and a little bit of that
When I get back the ham’s on the scale
Wrapped up in plastic with the price of sale
Then the freckled man says with a grin
Here’s your – Honey Ham- sir, come back again.
Badda-bing Badda-boom, give my cart some room
I’m goin’ aisle to aisle to fill my food vacuum.
So, where’s my list and whatta my missin’
When I get home, what item am I wishin’
for, more, right as I walk in the front door.
Simpsons? Is it already eight?
Credits rollin’, damn I’m to late
For a hot meal, with the first reel,
So I look at my receipt, damn a gotta deal.
I buck sixty-two for a pound of ham,
And the telephone number of the register woman.
Damn what’s a guy to do
The bitch set me up with a buck sixty-two.
So I call her up for a fancy date
Thinkin’ all the while of the grocery bait
I’ll be takin, maybe makin,
What kinda place will I be stickin’ my bacon in?
Chorus Honey, do you want some honey?
Honey ham, honey ham
Honey, look at all the honey
Honey ham, honey ham
One week to the day, seven days to the week
I shuffled to her side door hoping for a quick peek.
She’s wearin’ nothin’ but a flowered apron
So I lean in closer for some keen investigatin’
Squared off chunks of beef bologna
And a nice big bowl of cheese macaroni
Then she lifts the lid for the sliver pan,
God damn, the girl bought me a honey baked ham.
Twenty-four pounds of spiraled sweet meat
And some spicy mustard as a dipin’ treat
Kaiser buns, which you just can’t beat,
And a bottle of wine to make the night complete
Damn! What’s a guy to do?
The girl set me up with a fat spread of food,
So I ring the bell for our fancy date
Thinkin’ all the while of the grocery bait
I’ll be jumpin’, maybe bumpin’
What kinda place will I be pumpin’ my bacon in.
Chorus Honey, do you want some honey?
Honey ham, honey ham
Honey, look at all the honey
Honey ham, honey ham
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