Lyrics
GINTER:
IF I’D HAVE BEEN THE FIFTH BEATLE
THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT!
GEORGE MARTIN WOULD HAVE BEEN MOVED DOWN TO SIXTH
PETE BEST AND STU SUTCLIFFE – SEVEN AND EIGHT
IF I’D HAVE BEEN THE FIFTH BEATLE
THE WONDERS I WOULD HAVE SEEN
HERE, THERE AND EVERYWHERE, ACROSS THE UNIVERSE
IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE
I WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN THE CUTE ONE,
THE SMART ONE, OR THE FUNNY ONE
BUT I WOULD HAVE BEEN ONE
LOVED AND ADORED BY MILLIONS OF FANS
SCREAMING GIRLS WHO WANT TO HOLD MY HAND
(DAISY puts her mop on GINTER’s head)
YEAH YEAH YEAH, OOOH!
IF I’D HAVE BEEN THE FIFTH BEATLE
THEN I’M PRETTY SURE
I’D HAVE KEPT JOHN FROM SAYING THAT ‘BIGGER THAN’ THING
AND TALKED PAUL OUT OF ‘MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR’
I WOULD HAVE DABBLED A LITTLE IN TRANSCENDENTAL MEDITATION
EXPERIMENTED WITH… WELL… EXPERIMENTATION
BUT I WOULD HAVE WOKE UP, EVENTUALLY
AND WHEN WE FINALLY BROKE UP, I’D LET IT BE
IF I’D HAVE BEEN THE FIFTH BEATLE
I’D HAVE THE LIFE OF A STAR
AND I’D BE MARRIED AND LIVING IN A MANSION NOW
WITH A CHAUFFER NAMED JAMES TO DRIVE MY CAR
(The music slows. GINTER looks at the picture again, then puts it back up on
the wall.)
I KNOW I’M NOT THE FIFTH BEATLE
STILL, I KNOW WHAT I NEED
LOVE IN MY LIFE,
(gesturing to DAISY)
A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS…
AND… EIGHT DAYS A WEEK!
(DAISY screams like a Beatle fan,
and GINTER bows formally.)
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