Lyrics
(NANCY LOU, picking up a phone line)
Hello. Customer Service. This is Nancy Lou.
Tell me what your problem is,
and I'll see what I can do.
You want a POD from UPS
for an RMA that's MIA?
OK.
Do you have an invoice number?
No...
Do you know what the product was?
No...
You're not even sure now if you ordered it from us??
(she disconnects the call)
Oh, well. You're S.O.L.
Oh, well. You're S.O.L.
Oh, well. You're S.O.L.
You don't like it, you can go to-
(picking up new call)
Hell-o. Customer Service. This is Nancy Lou.
Tell me what your trouble is,
and I'll try to muddle through.
You bought a discontinued, special order,
non-returnable item...
...and you want to return it...
(she reaches for the disconnect button, but pauses)
Well, maybe we can take it with a restock fee...
But, ma'am, that's our policy...
How dare you speak that way to me!!
(disconnecting the call)
Oh, well. You're S.O.L.
Oh, well. You're S.O.L.
Oh, well. You're S.O.L.
You don't like it, you can go to-
Hel-en Keller wasn't so bad off, I guess
At least she didn't have to hear all of this B.S.
Oh, yes...
Hello. Customer Service. This is Nancy Lou.
Tell me, dear dear customer, how can I service you?
You ordered four, but you only got three,
and you want a credit for the one...
Well, the POD shows that you signed for four packages.
Yes, sir. Four packages signed for by a "Dumbass"...
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Dumas!
Yes, you'll have to check your inventory again.
You're welcome, Mr. Dumas.
(disconnecting, and speaking to LANIE)
Now, he was very nice.
But still...
Oh, well. You're S.O.L.
Oh, well. You're S.O.L.
Oh, well. You're S.O.L.
You don't like it, you can go to-
(connecting a call)
Hell-o. You're S.O.L.
(NANCY LOU disconnects, and beckons for LANIE to try. DONNA returns.)
(LANIE, connecting a line)
Hello. You're S.O.L.
(NANCY LOU, LANIE, GENE, DONNA & GINTER, connecting)
Oh, well. You're S.O.L.
You don't like it, you can go to-
(NANCY LOU)
Helllll-sinki!
(tag)
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