"Get Your Hands Off My Uterus" genre: General Comedy
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	"It made me want to put on a pleather skirt and freak dance until the wee hours of the morning" Hedvig Smith co-founder of OBGYN'S R US
	Story Behind the Song This is about my first visit to the gynecologist. Yes . . . well . . . I feel that writing anything else now would be futile. So, enjoy. The song that is, not your visit. Though I hope you do enjoy your visit. Alternatively, if you don't have a visit of your own, I hope you enjoy hearing about the visit of a close friend or relative. And if not, then all the more reason to . . . um . . .enjoy the song . . .and ah . . .not the visit. Lyrics Waiting room. Vaginas on the wall. Did they have to build extra space for them all? Every angle, every size, framed just for my virgin eyes I looked, then sat and read a Cosmo magazine The lady asked, "What's your purpose here?" Shrugged my shoulders, looked at her, said "Basic pap smear" Gonorrhea, chlamydea, other STD's It was very highly impossibleea I had any of these And my mind went back to last night at dinner I think the conversation made my dad and brother thinner My head said, yes But my body said, no And my mom said, "Mindy, you have to go. Let them open you up and make sure things are fine" I said, "There's 10 million other things that I'd rather do with my time" But here I am naked Dressed in paper, covering me as much as it could Look in the mirror at my reflection, damn I look good But with the doctor I began to question its worth With no excessive itching, or funky discharge, or expansion for birth And as I laid and spread my thighs I began to hypothesize That a virgin and a gynecologist Are like a convict and an archeologist One wants to leave the scene of crime The other wants to stay and explore While one is digging and paid for her time The other one is heading straight for the door I'm so sorry I digress There's so much more yet to confess Examination time The rubber gloves, the gooey gel, I really was not feeling well And just as my nausea was climbing I thought that photo bulbs would really flash and I would have to autograph Pictures of my unbroken hymen And my body said, GO But the stirrups said, STAY And does this woman really make a living this way? Because someone I had just met here Now had her hands, oy veyishmear Upon my uterus Get your hands off my uterus Please, get your hands off my uterus And my fallopian tubes

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