Story Behind the Song
Written around 1985 at the very beginning of the AIDS epidemic, but not recorded until 2000.
Lyrics
A Condom a Day
© Jonathan Benjamin and Jay Sewall
Let's talk about rubber.
I love condoms with pretty flowers on them.
It's such a phenomenon, my cinnamon condom.
You want to make your date and you don't want to goof
Then listen to my story and I'll tell you the truth.
If you want to have a lover, better slap on a rubber
A condom a day keeps the doctor away
Condomplate, condomplate,
My late ex, didn't use latex
chorus:
Condom, condom, everybody love them
A condom a day keeps the doctor away
A condom a day keeps the doctor away
A condom a day keeps the doctor away
My first sex made a man of me
I met up with a woman older than me
We went to her place, we listened to some tunes
My hands went exploring while she gazed at the moon
Before I knew it we were rolling on the floor
I was ready to take her but she said "there's more,
You got to wear a condom, or else we may be sorry"
"Oh, Oh!" I thought, and I started to worry
"Relax" she said, "there's no reason to stress
When it comes to fitting condoms, mamma knows best"
She flicked her wrist and to my surprise
She had it on quicker, than a blink of the eyes
I asked her "how'd you put that condom on so fast?"
She said, "I learned how to do it in my kung fu class"
(She learned how to do it in her Kung Fu class!)
I was ecstatic, ready for initiation
I'll always remember that first lubrication.
And that first condom brings back a tear
I wish I kept that condom as a souvenir
I wish I kept that condom as a souvenir
(Chorus:)
Condom, condom, everybody love them
A condom a day keeps the doctor away
A condom a day keeps the doctor away
A condom a day keeps the doctor away
I was sliding my hand along a silky thigh
When I realized I forgot my condom supply
I said "hold on babe" and ran out the door
I raced down the street to the nearest drugstore.
I said "It's urgent man, give me a condom fast"
Guess he understood 'cause I had no pants.
(He must have understood, 'cause I had no pants)
Got back to my lady about ten minutes later
She was breathing hard and clutching her vibrator.
I opened the condom, it was slippery as grease
It flew out of my hand, and hit me in the teeth
I looked between the sheets and in between my toes
Then my gal called out "it's stuck on your nose".
I grabbed it and said, you sticky piece of rubber
You better unroll or I throw you in the gutter.
I finally got it on, but my gal was gone
She was taking a shower and singing a song
I decided that in future I'd prepare the way
Now I buy the kind of condom you can wear all day
I buy the kind of condom you can wear all day
(Chorus:)
Condom, condom, everybody love them
A condom a day keeps the doctor away
A condom a day keeps the doctor away
A condom a day keeps the doctor away
It was three in the morning and I was out walking
A woman stops me to show me her stockings
"You're pretty" I said, "and what lovely legs!"
She said "100 bucks and then we'll go to bed."
I was only sixteen but all of a man
I said "for just five bucks could I hold your hand?"
She looked me over and said "listen son
For five bucks I'll sell you the pope's condom."
On the package it read, "God bless your soul"
I opened it up and it was full of holes
A holy condom! A holy condom!
It sure ain't fun, if it comes undone.
If you don't want trouble, then put 'em on double
For more security, try putting on three
You won't get sore, if you put on four
You're sure to stay alive, if you always use five.
Condom, condom, everybody love them
A condom a day keeps the doctor away
A condom a day keeps the doctor away
A condom a day keeps the doctor away
It's just condom sense!
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