Lyrics
Lukas was short and blonde and carried with him a magic wand and lived under a spoon...
Slept every day 'till noon.
Ran until the age of four, and then he grew old and ran some more.
And every day, just the same, he ran and ran and this is why we know his name.
Now one day Luke was running by and he saw a funny guy with a beautiful bride who caught his eye.
He said, "JAM, that is one fly honey, maybe if I race him I could make her my own wife."
So they had a race, the man gave chase, but Lukas finished so fast, it made him look the fool.
And Lukas took his wife, and traded her for schtool. SCHTOOL!!!!
CHORUS:[
From the West, to the East, there is no thing, man or beast, that could hope to match the speed of Lukas - Racing Champion!
...Always bubbly, smooth and cool, he runs around in search of schtool... I'd race him but I think he'd beat me.]
Now one time when he rode the bus Luke saw a schtool just outside.
So he hopped off, but stopped to cough when he saw a cheetah holding it with pride.
The cat agreed that they'd proceed to have a race, he took his place and got to the task.
Lukas stabbed himself in the forehead and tied his own shoes together and kicked its ass.
CHORUS
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