Story Behind the Song
After relocating from Kansas to Tempe, Arizona in the summer of 2001 I was staying temporarily in a home owned by the father of a close friend. Soon thereafter I made friends with a guy who had worked in Lawrence, the Kansas town where I had gone to college for a few years. He and I, often along with a friend from KU who was doing an internship at Intel in Arizona, would often go out and have a few beers, and then I'd come home to drunkenly ponder my predicament and my station in life.
Within a few weeks I came up with a simple chord progression that I wanted to make into a song. After experimenting for a few days I could not come up with any lyrics. So I sat down and penned the simplest thing I could--a reflection of what had been going on in my day to day life.
So once finished, I sloppily recorded it within an hour or so with the most basic computer-based recording program. The vocals weren't great but oh well.
Lyrics
I woke up this morning then wanted
to go back up for breath.
Intoxicated epiphanies, lates nights..
then a lonely bed.
Regurgitation of all the day's long hard thoughts.
Then comforting silence in..not having to think at all (going to sleep).
A sweet man, head full of regret,
tries to face the new day,
head into the wind.
I don't think anyone can see through this smile:
Do you hide too? Do you hide too?
I hope they can't see that I'm breaking inside.
I'm smiling, I'm hiding.
I've got some friends; they tell me that I'm okay.
I shrug and nervously laugh, and slowly I turn away.
I'll go out later for a long soothing drive,
gaze toward the land, and catch the tears in my lap.
It's raining, and it won't ever end.
I wish I could go back, and live life again.
(except not in poverty and neglect and all the other horrors that have sucked so much of my life away)
--- INTERLUDE/PRE-SOLO ---
I turned into me, now how could this be??
I'd gladly improve myself by wiping out all memory.
I want to find a mirror image of me
(as in a relationship prospect)
(someone who also is)
struggling to hide from reality
--- SOLO ---
I'll fight the sorrow and ride out the days,
I won't die, I won't die.
Under the ocean and begging to leave,
I'll be here,
and I'll sing.
(as in, I'll live and take what joy I can from life even in the face of overwhealming pain)
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