"Postmodern Christmas" genre: Acoustic
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	I wrote this song for a paper in my Rhetorical Theory class. Thus some of the big words. It's a holiday song, full of christmas cheer! Okay, well, maybe not, but if there were an anti-capitalist-acoustic-christmas-hits-written-for-college-credit album out there, this would be the lead (and probably only) track. Enjoy!
	CD: unreleased   Label: just right here, baby! Credits: Ingus Mat Burleson: the whole shebang
	Story Behind the Song Hi. This song was written in the offices of the Michigan Times, an hour before I had a paper due in my Rhetorical Theory class. This song is that paper. I got an A. Go me! Lyrics Well.... Aerosmith is telling me to shop at the Gap. "This is easy," they said, but then I went and took a nap, cause I was tired of commercials from the stores at the mall. I got to wondering why people go christmas shopping at all. So I reject that. No way. I'm baking cookies this year. I mean, it's good enough for Santa and eight (or nine) of his reindeer. Yeah, I reject that. No way. I'm not buying anybody crap. And now that I've got some time on my hands, I think I'll take another nap. Well you might think I'm cheap, or maybe I'm just pissed, but actually all this rejection is pretty deconstructionist. And I reject you for saying "fine, then, I'll get nothing for you," cause I already have too much stuff, and I bet you do too. I reject anyone who tells me that I need more. I reject them because they probably work for a store. I reject Michael Jordan's opinion of underwear, and batteries, and happy meals, and I think that's fair. I reject him and every other corporate whore. the system is dumb - I'm christmas shopping no more. But I don't reject mistletoe -no, and I don't reject the tree, because being kissed and smelling blue spruce still make sense to me. Because you see, I am the new expert, and everybody else is wrong. And I'm pretty sure that that's the point of my postmodern christmas song. So take O'Henry's Maji chick, if you want to get alegorical. She cut off her hair to buy christmas presents. I think that's pretty metaphorical. And look at her now, she's got no use for her new combs. She should have baked her man a cake, or maybe written a few poems. And a hundred years later we're still scattering about, fighting over Elmo's cause the store says they're out. So bake me some cookies, and I'll buy you some beer, and we'll all get fat and drunk and enjoy christmas this year.

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