Story Behind the Song
once upon a time, there were four little dead chipmunks, who didn't move or make a noise or anything at all, because they were DEAD chipmunks. they really WERE *four* dead chipmunks, as in, dead together, since they were in a little heap. it's not like you looked at them and thought "hmmm, there's ONE dead chipmunk, and there's ANOTHER dead chipmunk..." they were simply inseperable. they were "four dead chipmunks." and there's nothing really more to the story because unfortunately the four chipmunks were the only characters in this story, and seeing how they're dead they can't do very much now, can they?
THE END
[dude, i think we were supposed to write something here that went along with the song...]
(what song)
[the "things that would suck" song]
(i didn't know we wrote songs)
[well we do, and this is the space to write a story about how the song came about]
(look, i felt like telling a story. i don't give a flying fuck what was supposed to go here. it's a perfectly good story...)
[i'm not debating that]
(then what are you saying?)
[i'm saying that this is NOT the place or time to be telling that story]
(you're just jealous cause i told a good story and you didn't)
[fuck you, i can tell stories!]
(oh yeah? go ahead)
[well... once there was this... um, guy... and he... was... eating something. something green... and...]
(you suck, you can't tell a story, see?)
[SHUT UP!!]
(you can't tell a story, nah nah nah nah nah)
[SHUT UP!! I SAID SHUT UP!!!]
(sorry)
[it's ok]
(so what do we do now?)
[i dunno about you, but i'm up for some ice cream]
(okay)
Lyrics
i wish i was a butterfly
so i could fly and fly and fly,
unless i was a butterfly in an acid rainstorm.
'cause that would suck.
i wish i was a little cow
so i could moo and moo and moo,
unless i was a little cow
who stepped in big cow poo.
'cause that would suck.
i wish i was a little frog
so i could jump and jump and jump,
unless i was a budweiser frog,
'cause then i might get drunk.
i wish i was a baby,
but babies suck.
i wish i had a fatal disease
and was going to die in three weeks,
but that would suck.
i wish i was on who wants to be a millionaire,
but i wouldn't stay on that long.
'cause of those stupidly easy first five questions,
i'd get the first one wrong,
'cause i'm a complete idiot.
i wish i was austin powers,
'cause then i'd be really hot.
unless i was austin powers
getting shot by a fem-bot,
'cause that would hurt.
and that would suck.
i wish i had a popsicle
so i could suck.
i wish i was a deoderant stick
'cause i'd smell really good.
unless i was a deoderant stick
getting shoved under some fat guy's sweaty armpit.
'cause that would stink.
and that would suck.
and besides it's really dark up there,
and i'm afraid of the dark.
i'm getting sick of singing now;
my mind's all in a fog.
i wish instead of singing
i was getting a blow job,
but that would suck.
i wish i was a lot of things,
but nothing involving hamsters.
'cause i hate hamsters!
well i mean they're cute but they're really squirmy. and they like, i dunno, you get them on your hands and they like, claw you and bite you and everything, but, i dunno, i KINDA like 'em. but, well, i had one when i was a kid once, but it died. it was really tragic. but, i'm over that now. i mean, of course i'm over it, i'm a 21 year old adult; [breaking down] why wouldn't i be over the fact that we had to flush fluffy down the toilet, instead of giving him a proper burial in the back yard like he wanted. we couldn't even have him cremated, 'cause "no, that's too expensive for a hamster"... we had to flush him down the toilet like a piece of smelly shit... you flush stuff that comes out of your ASS down the toilet. not fluffy. not fluffy...
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