Story Behind the Song
Jonsie's Song (3rd Filipino Wife) was written
in early 1994 in Apartment #2,
508 Sheldon Ave. in Houghton, Michigan.
It is a satirical look at the life
of an old friend of my father's -- an aged
man who, in his hen-scratched
correspondence, referred to his string of
mail-order brides as "Filipino
wife #1," "Filipino wife #2," et cetera.
Lyrics
[LYRICS]
Jonsie's Song (3rd Filipino Wife)
I need a servile woman to fulfill my sorry life.
She's my honey. She's my slave. She's my third Filipino wife.
She came next day air with a hole in the crate, And it's been twenty-six
months since I had my last date.
So I dressed her like a French maid, and she cooked a TV dinner.
Then I used her as a footstool, and I knew I'd picked a winner.
She can chop wood.
She makes me feel good.
But if she doesn't mind,
You know I won't be kind.
"You know I don't like that. Get your ass in the house!"
Well, the neighbors they been throwin' all sorts of curious glances.
I think they're just a bit jealous, but I ain't takin' no chances.
So when I am gone I keep her handcuffed to the bed,
Or tied up in a chair with a sack over her head.
She's only fifteen.
And it's so obscene.
Yeah, I know the story.
It's called "statutory."
"You know I don't like that. Get your ass in the house!"
I figure if she can't spell she can't file for a divorce.
And the arsenic in my tea, well, it only make's me hoarse.
I'm not letting this one get her G.E.D.
'Cause the last two they got smart and both ran out on me.
I'm gonna keep her dumb,
So I'm her number one.
And if she gives me any flack,
She knows I'll send her back.
"You know I don't like that. Get your ass in the house!"
Gone are the days of all my marital strife.
She's my honey. She's my slave. She's my third Filipino wife.
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